The Costco Ten Commandments : A Mama's Tale

Its the day before Christmas, and the shopping Madness still is not over. God forbid you have to head to the store for a carton of milk- forget it. It is this season that makes me wonder if people actually sit back and enjoy one another rather than consume themselves with last minute shopping.

 

Today I made my way in to Costco- (crazy I know) but i NEEDED to get eggs and milk. Ugh! As I patiently waited behind a bunch of other nuts just to get in the store I thought that Costco needs some serious rules. Lets be honest we are all sick of people stopping in the middle of the aisle, forming lines for free samples, and bumping you with one more cart!

 

So here goes. Pardon my foul language in advance

 

 

The Ten Commandments of Costco

 

1) Have your damn card ready at the door.

 

2) If you don’t have your damn card ready at the door, pull your god forsaken cart over to the side and get the hell out of everyone’s way.

 

3) When you enter the refrigerated areas, do not leave your  cart in the doorway and block the whole damn entrance.

 

4) When you approach the free samples, be aware of the people around you. If you see a mom with 2 young children and there are only 3 samples left, Don’t be a dick. Let the little kids have them first. Especially if it’s the chicken nuggets. Kids love those things.

 

5) When you see a mom with more than three children, actually, more than two children, actually, screw that. When you see a mom with any children shopping in Costco on the weekend, smile at her. She’s performing miracles.

 

6) If you are the person checking receipts at the exit and there is more than one child in a cart, DO NOT PUT THE SMILEY FACE ON THE BACK OF THE RECEIPT.  Instead, take two or three or however many cards are necessary from your pocket and give each child the exact same smiley face on the exact same size of paper. Please.

 

7) When you are walking back to your car with your cart, do not walk in the middle of the parking lot at a snail’s pace. Don’t be an asshole. Move over to the side.

 

8) RETURN YOUR GOD DAMN CARTS.

 

9) When exiting the parking lot, stop and let the person who has been waiting for more than 60 seconds to back out of a space.

 

10) When someone waits and lets you back out of the parking spot you’ve been stuck in for the last 3 minutes, don’t be an asshole. Smile. Wave. And say thank you.

Whoever obeys these commandments and teaches them, shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

The rest of you?

Well, you are all subject to an eternity in the fires of Costco hell.

Also known as the parking lot.

Lale Ketcham

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